If Only....

If you've known me for any length of time, there is a good chance I've shared a little bit of my story and I've shared my struggle with self image. It wasn't until about 3 years ago that I really got over it and believed in myself and realized I wasn't ugly as dirt :) I also had to realize who I was in God's image, and once I realized it, I had to believe it.
God would constantly try to tell me differently. I would constantly say to myself, I need to loose weight, I need to do my hair differently, I need to talk to more people more (yes there was a day when I was quiet), etc. We all are guilty of telling ourselves these lies. I still have days where I tell myself, maybe Britt if you were different you would.....but I then I get reminded by a loving Savior where my worth and beauty lies. My favorite chorus in Mandisa's song Truth About Me reads this:

You say lovely, I say broken
I say guilty, You say forgiven
I feel lonely, Say you're with me
We both know it would change everything
If only I believed the truth about me

I had to believe it before it took over my life. When I did finally belive it, it changed my world. Again, I still have days where I struggle, but I'm a long way from where I was. I spent 19 years trying to truly believe that I was a worth no one could estimate. I think before you understand that though, you have to realize that your worth is not in this world. Your worth isn't about how much money you have, or your pocessions or your awards. While all that is great, it leads you down a dead end road. When you 100% realize where and who your worth is in, it leads to true freedom. There is another part of the song where Mandisa writes:

Like a wind you whispered in the silence
And tell me things this world never will
You tell me things this world never will

He truly had to whisper in my heart all of the things Mandisa puts into words so much better than I do. I really haven't heard a song in years so well written about self worth as this one is. If you read nothing else, I want you to read this: Your worth is not in this world. Your beauty is not in the things of this world. You were made in the image of God, and He sees you as a beauty that  none can describe. When you realize that truth, your whole world will change.

Rest in that truth.

B



A New Season

It's been 4 months since I posted, and it's been a crazy 4 months. God has had me in a very unique season, and a very hard season, probably one of the hardest seasons I've ever been through. Usually when I don't post for awhile I give you a play by play of what I've been doing, but I'm gonna give you the Readers Digest version. It's consisted of a lot of leading worship, starting school, a funeral, a bachelorette weekend, a wedding, some hurt, but a lot of smiles a long the way.
I've coasted through life up until about 3 months ago. I don't mean I just sat around and did nothing, but I've had it pretty good.  I was staying busy, but no real big events took place  lately to rock me to my core. At the end of July me and my favorite guys (the band) had the amazing opportunity to lead worship for the South Carolina Methodist Youth Camp at Lake Junaluska. On my list of favorite times of leading worship, it's my current number 1. I think I'm still processing all that took place that weekend. Anyway, Saturday night while we were there our camp speaker (also our pastor) had set up a station experiential service. We led worship, and then went thru all these stations. To tell you the truth, I don't remember the stations, but I had a unique experience. It had been a heavily annointed worship set. I mean the presence of God was ALLOVER the room. As I sat down beside one of the youth leaders after the stations, I literally collapsed in tears in her arms. As she struggled to make sense of what I was saying, (and I was trying to make sense of what was going on with me) I finally muttered out the words, "I can't be strong anymore in front of everybody....I can't hold it all together for everyone anymore." And I lost it. I mean a ugly Oprah cry. But her words to me that night still ring true. After she prayed over me, (I have no clue what she said during her prayer, I was crying like a baby) she said very clearly, Britt, you don't have too, no one expects you to hold it all together.
Here's the kicker. I wasn't really going through anything. Life was good. It wasn't until a few weeks later, when life started happening, that I understood it. Background point on me: I DO NOT express emotion well, and I do not go through things well. I deal with them for like a day, and then I go in to survival mode. Anyway, life started happening, and all of a sudden I started dealing with all these emotions and started truly FEELING my way through life's events. It was really weird. I was going through things and they were consuming me for days at a time. As I frequently do, I began to question God and ask Him why I had the experience like I did, and why I had started reacting to things the way I was. He very clearly whispered into my heart, baby girl, I need you to FEEL these things. I need you to FEEL these emotions and deal through them. You can't truly experience these events, deal with them, and move forward if you never FEEL and work through your emotions.
Here is what I know. These last 3 months, especially the last month and a half have been really hard. I've really struggled, but I've made a promise to myself, and to a few around me, that I wouldn't shut down. I have to go through these things. I have to FEEL my way through these emotions. The best part of all this, is that there is Beauty from Ashes. I truly make it a point, even on my worst days, to look for the beauty. Don't misunderstand me, because some days, I'm struggling to smile. But I refuse to miss out on the beauty of the Lord.


B

Cha-Cha-Changes :)

A trip to Tsunami: $35
B's gas to drive to Concord weekly: $75
Satisfying Lindsay's latest Mexican food craving: $25
Finally getting a pic of B & Lindsay together AND knowing there's actually three people in this pic: priceless   :)

You Are More

I have a confidence issue. Plain and simple. It's definitly gotten better in the last few years, but its no where near where it should be. Actually, I take that back, I've gotten better with certain areas of my life in the confidence area, but I still struggle with it a lot. I really struggle with this the most with my singing. In fact, I have a really hard time taking compliments, and I have an even harder time saying thank you. Not because I am trying to be disrespectful, but because I don't think I'm deserving of the compliments. God is definitly dealing with me on this. I know in my heart that I have a gift. I know in my heart that God has put me in this season of my life because of this gift, and that I better use it :)
We had a guest musician come in this weekend to take part on our service on Sunday morning. I'm not gonna lie, I was a little scared before we met. I have no problem singing with Taylor every Sunday....we sing really well together and just work well together. Anyway, it was a completely different ballgame singing with Amanda, because she is from Nashville and has had a lot of training in music, and this chick can sing. I was nervous, but I shouldn't have been. It was so much fun singing with her, and being able to do new harmonies, etc.
I say all that to say this, Amanda made a point to catch me after the service. Jesus used her to speak in to my spirit more than I knew I needed it. She said, you know Britt, your timid. You have a gift, and your timid. You hold back, you need to keep focusing on your gift, and you need to use it. God gave you a gift.
I've struggled with hearing that before, but God really checked me at this point. I've always in my heart of hearts wanted to do whatever I could with my gift. I don't know what this is going to look like, but I know that God used her to speak to me at that moment. So here we are, at a crossroads, again. Who knows whats going to happen, but hopefully good things :) I know in my heart that God is ready for me to get over this self confidence issue. I also know that God gives us the desires of our hearts, so I'm going to rest in that peace.

Britt

BTW, for those of you missing Lindsay, she'll be back around soon :) Hang in there!

Leadership Lessons from a 22 year old :)

I almost didn't write this post because I feel a little bit inadaquate to be writing a post on leadership, when I'm still learning a ton at such a young age, but I think it's really important to share what we are learning.
When I was in high school I was a part of different groups at a few different churches and ministries. I was a member at First Baptist, I was in the youth group at First Assembly, I was a part of That Youth Thing ministry, and I was a part of the creative movement group at Mission Baptist. It was really hard to be a part of one church. I found myself going to whatever church on the weekends that had the best to offer. Let me explain a little further. It wasn't that any one church had something I didn't like, it was just that as a high schooler, I thought I was doing whatever I needed to get fed spiritually, when in reality, I wasn't. It was almost impossible to have a faith connection with one specific body of believers. I didn't have that one connection with a body of believers who would support me completely, because they didn't know the complete Brittany. They knew only parts of Brittany. First Baptist knew me as Larry and Pokie's daughter. My youth group knew the young, high school Brittany who could act like a teenager. Mission knew me as this girl who came and was a part of the creative movement group, they knew the performer Brittany. It was no ones fault but my own that it became like that.
When I started going to The Village, it was really hard to break away from that and it was important that I learn that lesson especially before I stepped into leadership. I needed to connect with one body of believers.
Please don't misunderstand me and think that I'm saying you should never go to another church, because I'm not. In fact someone asked me a few months ago if I was allowed to go to other churches. While some of you might think it's a stupid question, its actually not. I think of it this way: It's different for every person. It's important for leaders to be fed spiritually. We do spend so much time pouring into our people that it's draining sometimes, and we need to constantly be taking the time to make sure we are fed spiritually. What I'm saying is take caution in doing that. For myself, I'm really cautious about going to other churches, because I know the risk it is for me personally. As much as I love my church with my whole heart, I know, I will have the temptation to go, and then find something that's really attractive and it may start that downward spiral, so I just choose to not put myself in that situation. I do love to visit other churches, and see how God is moving, and I also make sure I take time to be fed, but I'm just very cautious.
Not everyone struggles with this, but as a leader, your church and your people deserve for you to be all in with them. 110%.

Freedom Reigns

Our Worship Band at church has been preparing to be the worship band at a youth camp at the end of July, and this is one of the songs that we are so pumped to take with us. It's one of those songs, that even as we practice it, the anointing is ALL OVER IT. I love songs like that. We are expecting God to do big things the week we are at camp, and I really just can't wait to sing this song :).
God has been dealing with me while we've been practicing this song. Being on the stage on Sunday mornings, I have the opportunity to watch people during worship. In fact, even though I am worshiping too, I steal a minute to watch our people in worship. Taylor and I have many conversations on whether it seems like our people are connecting with a song, and sometimes the best indicator is to watch. It's really a beautiful thing to look out at the people and see them immersed in worship.
One of my most favorite moments while watching our people was one Sunday while we were singing Marvelous Light. We have a family who has a special needs daughter, and she is PRECIOUS. And she loves her some band members....let me tell you, if we are ever having a bad morning, when she comes in the door, sees us and starts giggling and smiling, we all instantly have a mood change for the better. Anyway, we were singing Marvelous Light, and I looked out, and I saw her whole family dancing. I mean they were dancing before the Lord at the back of the church like nobodys business. Freedom. They were dancing and worshiping before the Lord with true and utter Freedom. And the best part, was their daughter was right in the middle of it. The smile on her face was the biggest smile I've ever seen in my life. I started crying. Here I am, praying and asking God to use me as a vessel in worship, when really, they are teaching me the true meaning of freedom during worship.
God has been reinforcing this message and lesson to me with this song. Like I said, it's one of those songs that our band just senses the anointing all over. I'm reminded though, we don't always take advantage of that freedom during worship. We get so caught up in everything else going on, that we truly miss out on that freedom. We get caught up in the mountains in our life, the crap we are going through, and the trials we have, that we don't experience that freedom.
But here is the hope that we have in Jesus: there is that freedom, and you can experience it. It's when you are at the end of your rope, when all that mess is going on in your life, and you don't see the end in sight, that freedom reigns. Jesus wants us to experience that freedom. So lavish in that freedom. Soak it in, experience it. Don't miss out on that freedom.

Britt

The Journey

We took a little bit of a unplanned blog break :) but we're back!

I've decided that since I (Britt) was so open about some things I want to accomplish in the next couple of months in the last post, that I would take you all along for the ride....well all one of you who read this :) I'm doing this because one, it will hold me accountable, two, Lindsay and I have said from the beginning that maybe we can minister through this blog somehow, so if my journey helps someone else, I'm all for it, and three, it will give me the opportunity to look back in a few months and see what God has done!
Anyway, today I moved out of my duplex and moved in with my parents for the next few months. 2 of my good friends who happen to be really strong too (thank goodness :) came in to town and we got it knocked out. It's so hot to move in June, and also in the middle of the day, that we decided next time I move, we are moving at night! Anywho, Since my job ended a few weeks ago, I've had a few babysitting jobs, but definitely not enough to cover rent. I don't really have steady employment lined up, and surprisingly, I'm okay with that. I'm getting a lot of cool opportunities this summer, especially the month of July, and I'm pumped to see what God is going to do. Anyway, all that to say, it was the right decision to move in to the parentals house. It's gonna be tough, but it's going to be worth it. They've had an empty nest for a few years, and I've been on my own since I left for college. But the reward will be worth it. Sometimes, to get the reward, we have to struggle a little bit. It will be a growing process for my parents and I's relationship, but more than that, it will be a big growing experience for me personally.
This is just the first step towards starting this journey, and I'm really excited to see what God is going to do. The thing I want to pass along is this: just because God calls you to something, doesn't mean there isn't a process to getting there. I know without a doubt in my heart that God has called me to my church, my friends, and to Concord. But it's a process to get there, and this is step one.

Until next time,
Britt